If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
you win again, gameday.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
