I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
