I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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