see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
