Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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