it was like his penis was on wheels.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
