Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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