"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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