...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
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Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
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Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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