I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
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