I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
