i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
