So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
