Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize