Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
