I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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