Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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