we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
