I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
