i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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