Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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