eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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