help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
