after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
