Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
