Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
