What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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