apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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