nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
