4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Randomize
