At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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