Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
