Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize