Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
