I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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