seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
