I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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