So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Randomize
