I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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