I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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