my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Randomize
