i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
