There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
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Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
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