Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
