Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
