The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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