he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
