and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
