You're my little dorito
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
