I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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