Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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