I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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