I showed him my bush... on skype.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize