Small penises have feelings too.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
