the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Your cock deserves a montage
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
