He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize