who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
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