i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
