shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
