i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
