OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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