Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
