Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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