Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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