drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
How does one acquire holy water?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
