why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
