I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize