So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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