doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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