sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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