sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
