That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
