Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
is that a dick in a sweater?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
