She is in my trunk
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
