At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
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