Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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