Betty ford says i'm here all night
she looked like the before picture.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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