i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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