Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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