she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
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