im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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