I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
