party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
