Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
