Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
that is very illegal...i love you.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
