I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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