Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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