I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Come share oat with me in your robe
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
