When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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