I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
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Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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