you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
My cat gives me a boner
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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