It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
