I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
