I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
