I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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