i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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